I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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