You're completely useless in the revolution.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
