Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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