so that wasnt chicken after all
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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