JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
