OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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