in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
