So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
