Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
