Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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