Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
