Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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