That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
