He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
