why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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