Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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