Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
