she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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