if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
