you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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