I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
