I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
