I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
