I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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