There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
