I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
