If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
