That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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