Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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