I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
from now on my penis is your penis
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
