two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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