I think my fart just growled at me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
