the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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