Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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