And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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