How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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