I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
