believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
