when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
