the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
