Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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