I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
