Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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