her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
