I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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