i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
