If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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