bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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