yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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