what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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