I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
