Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
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i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
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she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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