Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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