You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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