Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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