You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
