A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
