Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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