i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
