Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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