Buhtt sex?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
