I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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