nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
