I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
operation have a gay friend backfired
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
