I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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