sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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