Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
