The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
