I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
