He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
