Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
