I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
