they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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