i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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