It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
