third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
