So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
